I've been doing this for the last three
weeks. It's called 'The Experiment'. What is the Experiment?
Well, you go to a trollfic site (an OFFICIAL site that caters to
this) and write the most shitriffic fanfiction known to every
reader imaginable just for the purpose of getting flamed. Yes,
people. We do this on purpose, but its not all for fun, it's a
'desensitizing' procedure me and two other 'serious writers' have
undertaken to be able to handle 'wannabe flamers' for our true
stories. We don't encourage trollfics and frankly we think is
dumb, but for the sake of going into the unbearably stupid psyche
of retarded people that can't even flame out of their assholes,
we do this to handle it more gracefully. (I still have a hard
time, but after flaming other shitfics in this particular site
and getting flamed, even responding to flamers seems like a chore
of the shittiest most redundant proportions and let's face it...
The BEST flames are for trollfics. They are humorous and
increadibly insulting that if a serious writer were to receive
them, they'd want to slit their wrists in shame.)
These are examples of flames I've
received in that site:
"I feel like a motherfucking maggot has
crwaled inside my brain and has put shiteggs and babies all over
it. this garbage isn't even worth flaming." (and yet this person
went to a trollfic site to endure the torture of flaming this
purposely shitty story.)
"My dogs turd can write better than
this. if i took a dump on a keyboard, the fuckign thing its
writes will be more inspriing than this pile of festiering
dhiarrea."
"this is funny! What are you guys
trying to prove?????" (that people that flame are usually idiots
that just can't help themselves. Heeee)
This is my favorite one. I've even
quoted it before:
"If I were to shove a pencil up my ass
and squat over a piece of paper, my ASS would write better than
this shit." (brilliant! Now this is very harsh contrit! I love
it! Thank you!)
"I'm faving this!" (not the kind of
reaction I was looking for, but thanks)
"You people are the sorriest fucking
excuse known in the internet. you take every good fandom and
literally take a dump on it. You should all get dragged out side
to get fuckin shot for making fun of this. I can't believe i came
here and expected any less because this is a trollshit site. This
makes me so fucking sick to my stomach i can't even... I'll just
shut up now." (thank you for coming by and shutting up.)
"Ur mother didn't give births to yuo.
She shitted youw worthless ass out." (if you are going to flame,
at least try to SPELL better than I did in the shitfic)
You see. People flame for their own
pleasure. They can't help doing it. They are usually socially
retarded rejects that can only write flames (albeit very garishly
mispelled ones, since a grammatical nightmare kind of flame just
isn't 'flamey' enough.)
That shitstory I wrote was probably
less than 200 words and I won't even bother to recite it because
if people were ever to go to that site and then saw this, they'd
know its me. In fact my story received more flames than the newly
uploaded ones because I did the most despicable shit imaginable
and also added every cute little furry American-made woodland
cartoon creature into the horribly mispelled shitfest that was
the trollshitfic for 'The Experiment'. The flamers, of course
missed my very well-spelled A/N stating that I wrote it that way
for the sole purpose of being flamed and that even I found it
disgusting and would flame it myself. But since when do flamers
actually read A/N's?
So that concludes this 'experiment'...
A word of advice to people reading this... Don't ever go to a
'serious site' to troll. That will get your ass banned from the
site. There's actual 'trollfic' sites that encourage this and
also encourage flaming from its members. (the best flames came
from fellow members that wrote other trollshits). For them, its
fun, for me and the ones doing 'The Experiment', it's just
another learning experience we have undertaken for the sake of
writing. Face it, even Anne Rice couldn't handle criticism (I
don't know if you guys are aware that she had a bit of a flame
war... YES ANNE RICE had a FLAME WAR) in Amazon.com. Some people
trashed her work and she responded and kept on responding until
the whole comments section was filled with very foul behaviour of
fans, Anne Rice herself, and trollers looking for something funny
to read.
Yeah, not even the best of us can
usually handle it, so we do this for 'training' and let me just
say... The best way to handle a flamer is to not give them
attention and take away all of their abilities to communicate
with you.
One: Block them from your profile.
Don't say anything to them whatsoever, just ignore and block them
and if your story has a deleting feature, delete it and move on
like you have never laid eyes on the thing. Flamers really
fucking hate that because after my trollshit was flamed and none
of them got responses, they continued flaming and insulting me
personally (all of the personal information in my trollshit
profile was actually fake but these people attacked it because
they, being morons, are lured by weakpoints.). With every flame
you receive after giving the cold shoulder and giving no
response, you can see that the flamer is actually quite pissed.
Their flames become even more mispelled, their insults start to
lose a bit of their bite and eventually after they are drained
dry of their witless remarks, they give up.
Two. The Emotional flamer is the
weakest kind of flamer imaginable. They actually say that they
cry about seeing their characters suffer and then randomnly
insult you as if its supposed to hurt (these people REALLY read
the stories and are ticked off by it). These are really easy to
rile because if you just bash the absolute shit of the thing they
love most they go rabid and make total public fools of
themselves. (Skelle did this to the flamer at one of my fics by
calling her a 'hardcore Ichirukitard that wrote fluffy het
shitfics infesting Bleach' and the flamer fell for it and went
totally batshit with a long string of histerically funny insults
towards both Skelle and me. It's actually made me laugh, but the
problem was, since it was MY fic, I was not about to have a
newbie in the flaming department starving for attention making
herself famous out of something I wrote. So I deleted the story
and reuploaded it, free of all flames and comments. It kinda hurt
to do it, but I'm not going to die because of it.)
Three. If a member flamed you and said
member has a story, don't flame them back. It's very uneffective
because some people purposely lure reviewers to their stories by
doing this shit. I could name some flamer groups that do this and
you'll see that all of their stories have THOUSANDS of reviews
and they're all from other pissed off writers insulting them. So
people, please, don't feed the beast. The beast likes getting
reviews and if they're insulting, they looooove it because they
know that they did the right thing in ticking you off all for the
sake of another cronically bitching reviewer. (there was one in
the IY section that flamed every Inu/Kag fic in the site. You
would see hundreds of reviews for her total Inu/Kag shitfics and
ALL of them where from angry authors. She didn't earn those
'reviews', she incited them so other people seeing the high
review count would feel intrigued with her shitstory. Now... Do
you want to continue feeding the beast?)
Four. If you are going to respond to
their bullshit, do it in a way that only you have the last word.
That means that you to take away all means for them to contact
you and respond back. I call it 'the kicking the puppy'
procedure. They like kicking you, then why not kick them. Only do
it elsewhere in a place where they are lelt utterly defenseless.
Flamers like confrontation, but if you take that away, they feel
cornered and pissed. They might laugh about it, but they're still
pretty angry over a war that ended so abruptly.
And before I forget... There's an
awesome site that teaches you how to flame and receive flames.
It's called The Flame Warriors site. Google it.
Now this is the end of my informative
nonsensical advice... I have a fic to write! (not a trollshit. I
already did that *shudders* and will not do it again since I'm
still receiving random laughable reviews from it. I don't think I
need to overdo it. Just one was fair enough, mostly because the
people flaming it knew what my goal was. We didn't hide it from
the begining and these people still fell for it thinking we would
want to indulge in a bullshit battleground of lameoid insults.
AH! Such is life!)