If You Don't Like What I Have To Say, Don't Freaking Read This

I've been doing this for the last three weeks. It's called 'The Experiment'. What is the Experiment? Well, you go to a trollfic site (an OFFICIAL site that caters to this) and write the most shitriffic fanfiction known to every reader imaginable just for the purpose of getting flamed. Yes, people. We do this on purpose, but its not all for fun, it's a 'desensitizing' procedure me and two other 'serious writers' have undertaken to be able to handle 'wannabe flamers' for our true stories. We don't encourage trollfics and frankly we think is dumb, but for the sake of going into the unbearably stupid psyche of retarded people that can't even flame out of their assholes, we do this to handle it more gracefully. (I still have a hard time, but after flaming other shitfics in this particular site and getting flamed, even responding to flamers seems like a chore of the shittiest most redundant proportions and let's face it... The BEST flames are for trollfics. They are humorous and increadibly insulting that if a serious writer were to receive them, they'd want to slit their wrists in shame.)

These are examples of flames I've received in that site:

"I feel like a motherfucking maggot has crwaled inside my brain and has put shiteggs and babies all over it. this garbage isn't even worth flaming." (and yet this person went to a trollfic site to endure the torture of flaming this purposely shitty story.)

"My dogs turd can write better than this. if i took a dump on a keyboard, the fuckign thing its writes will be more inspriing than this pile of festiering dhiarrea."

"this is funny! What are you guys trying to prove?????" (that people that flame are usually idiots that just can't help themselves. Heeee)

This is my favorite one. I've even quoted it before:

"If I were to shove a pencil up my ass and squat over a piece of paper, my ASS would write better than this shit." (brilliant! Now this is very harsh contrit! I love it! Thank you!)

"I'm faving this!" (not the kind of reaction I was looking for, but thanks)

"You people are the sorriest fucking excuse known in the internet. you take every good fandom and literally take a dump on it. You should all get dragged out side to get fuckin shot for making fun of this. I can't believe i came here and expected any less because this is a trollshit site. This makes me so fucking sick to my stomach i can't even... I'll just shut up now." (thank you for coming by and shutting up.)

"Ur mother didn't give births to yuo. She shitted youw worthless ass out." (if you are going to flame, at least try to SPELL better than I did in the shitfic)

You see. People flame for their own pleasure. They can't help doing it. They are usually socially retarded rejects that can only write flames (albeit very garishly mispelled ones, since a grammatical nightmare kind of flame just isn't 'flamey' enough.)

That shitstory I wrote was probably less than 200 words and I won't even bother to recite it because if people were ever to go to that site and then saw this, they'd know its me. In fact my story received more flames than the newly uploaded ones because I did the most despicable shit imaginable and also added every cute little furry American-made woodland cartoon creature into the horribly mispelled shitfest that was the trollshitfic for 'The Experiment'. The flamers, of course missed my very well-spelled A/N stating that I wrote it that way for the sole purpose of being flamed and that even I found it disgusting and would flame it myself. But since when do flamers actually read A/N's?

So that concludes this 'experiment'... A word of advice to people reading this... Don't ever go to a 'serious site' to troll. That will get your ass banned from the site. There's actual 'trollfic' sites that encourage this and also encourage flaming from its members. (the best flames came from fellow members that wrote other trollshits). For them, its fun, for me and the ones doing 'The Experiment', it's just another learning experience we have undertaken for the sake of writing. Face it, even Anne Rice couldn't handle criticism (I don't know if you guys are aware that she had a bit of a flame war... YES ANNE RICE had a FLAME WAR) in Amazon.com. Some people trashed her work and she responded and kept on responding until the whole comments section was filled with very foul behaviour of fans, Anne Rice herself, and trollers looking for something funny to read.

Yeah, not even the best of us can usually handle it, so we do this for 'training' and let me just say... The best way to handle a flamer is to not give them attention and take away all of their abilities to communicate with you.

One: Block them from your profile. Don't say anything to them whatsoever, just ignore and block them and if your story has a deleting feature, delete it and move on like you have never laid eyes on the thing. Flamers really fucking hate that because after my trollshit was flamed and none of them got responses, they continued flaming and insulting me personally (all of the personal information in my trollshit profile was actually fake but these people attacked it because they, being morons, are lured by weakpoints.). With every flame you receive after giving the cold shoulder and giving no response, you can see that the flamer is actually quite pissed. Their flames become even more mispelled, their insults start to lose a bit of their bite and eventually after they are drained dry of their witless remarks, they give up.

Two. The Emotional flamer is the weakest kind of flamer imaginable. They actually say that they cry about seeing their characters suffer and then randomnly insult you as if its supposed to hurt (these people REALLY read the stories and are ticked off by it). These are really easy to rile because if you just bash the absolute shit of the thing they love most they go rabid and make total public fools of themselves. (Skelle did this to the flamer at one of my fics by calling her a 'hardcore Ichirukitard that wrote fluffy het shitfics infesting Bleach' and the flamer fell for it and went totally batshit with a long string of histerically funny insults towards both Skelle and me. It's actually made me laugh, but the problem was, since it was MY fic, I was not about to have a newbie in the flaming department starving for attention making herself famous out of something I wrote. So I deleted the story and reuploaded it, free of all flames and comments. It kinda hurt to do it, but I'm not going to die because of it.)

Three. If a member flamed you and said member has a story, don't flame them back. It's very uneffective because some people purposely lure reviewers to their stories by doing this shit. I could name some flamer groups that do this and you'll see that all of their stories have THOUSANDS of reviews and they're all from other pissed off writers insulting them. So people, please, don't feed the beast. The beast likes getting reviews and if they're insulting, they looooove it because they know that they did the right thing in ticking you off all for the sake of another cronically bitching reviewer. (there was one in the IY section that flamed every Inu/Kag fic in the site. You would see hundreds of reviews for her total Inu/Kag shitfics and ALL of them where from angry authors. She didn't earn those 'reviews', she incited them so other people seeing the high review count would feel intrigued with her shitstory. Now... Do you want to continue feeding the beast?)

Four. If you are going to respond to their bullshit, do it in a way that only you have the last word. That means that you to take away all means for them to contact you and respond back. I call it 'the kicking the puppy' procedure. They like kicking you, then why not kick them. Only do it elsewhere in a place where they are lelt utterly defenseless. Flamers like confrontation, but if you take that away, they feel cornered and pissed. They might laugh about it, but they're still pretty angry over a war that ended so abruptly.

And before I forget... There's an awesome site that teaches you how to flame and receive flames. It's called The Flame Warriors site. Google it.

Now this is the end of my informative nonsensical advice... I have a fic to write! (not a trollshit. I already did that *shudders* and will not do it again since I'm still receiving random laughable reviews from it. I don't think I need to overdo it. Just one was fair enough, mostly because the people flaming it knew what my goal was. We didn't hide it from the begining and these people still fell for it thinking we would want to indulge in a bullshit battleground of lameoid insults. AH! Such is life!)