Rantings and Ramblings of a Southern Girl

These past few days have been moody and draining. I'm not in a foul mood, but it seems like everywhere I've gone that doom and gloom has reared it's head to those around me. My spouse and I had an argument and at first, instead of talking to me, he wanted to stub up and get out of our marriage. I blew up because I feel I've not given him a reason for this and I told him everything I've probably felt in the last 14 years and that I was tired of it. This "blow-up-now-and-maybe-talk-later" crap was sucking the life outta me and he could either get with the program or I was done. Well, we talked things out and he's apologized. Things are better. He even admitted he was wrong and out of line. So who knows? There may be hope yet. Well, a dear friend of mine experienced something that no one should. A collegue said something sexually degrading about her to a restauranteur at the place they were dining. She left the restaurant in tears. I've tried to get her to file a grievance, but she doesn't want to rock the boat. I told her if she didn't speak up that he would continue to think his behavior was acceptable. She said she feared losing her job. This hurts me so much for her. Then, she and the man she's been seeing had words because she felt like she was "last on his list". Basically, she is. Because she told him how she felt, he told her she didn't have a right to act like that. Excuse the hell outta me? Nobody will tell me how to feel. It hurt my friend so bad. Then a collegue of mine is having trouble with her oldest son. His behavior is becoming unusual and he doesn't have any real explanation for it. He's 12. My collegue is about at her wits end because this stuff's going on daily and the therapists and drs have not offered anything to help. So, it's been an ugly beginning to a week for many. But this day, I'm calm. I'm working some and going to see my niece and nephew after work. I always enjoy that. They don't have a hidden agenda, they just like that I come to see them. I'm coming with gifts entow, but they don't know yet. I don't have any kids of my own yet, so I like spoiling theirs a little. I always ask the parents before I do. I don't want to disrespect them ya know. It's supposed to rain today. I'm glad though. The grass is dry and it's been kinda hot. It's supposed to get up to 80 today. Spring has sprung finally. The Bradford Pear Trees are in bloom and my Dogwood is about to bloom any day. Things have been hairy, but they are good right now. I just hadn't been on in a bit and I wanted to share. Well, gonna try and be productive today. Don't know how far I'll get, but here's to hopin'. Thanks for listening to me ramble. It is appreciated. Have a good one!

:)

I am happy to report to you feeling much better. I have began a regime of vitamins that my Dr. recommended I take along with my cholesterol meds to help with lowering it. The benefits from these vitamins go beyond just lowering cholesterol though. It has been found that they help in fighting cardiovascular disease, depression, metabolism issues and several other things. I've taken 2 days worth of them and I can actually tell a different. I don't cramp from the cholesterol med any more. I'm calmer and I have more energy. Who knew vitamins could do that? I'm thankful for it. I went to see "Wild Hogs" last night and it was really good. It was funny and it had a good story. I hope to see "300" tomorrow. I have to prepare for my trip to Nashville this weekend. Laundry, packing, etc., etc.... I'll be gone all week next week. I have training for work to attend down there. It will be a nice break though. It's a 4.5 hr drive. That's the only part I dread. But anyhow, things are looking up and it feels good to share it. Hopefully it will just continue. Well happy Friday to ya and I hope your day is good!

Love, Me

I write to you today from work. Taking a break briefly from all of the paperwork I've got going on this morning. Life is finally starting to calm down for me somewhat. I am extremely thankful. I am just trying to take things one moment, one day at a time. I feel glad to be back at work today. My secretary's grandfather passed away yesterday and she'll be out most of the week. Next week, I'll be out of town to go to training. I'm trying to get all of my major stuff at least started this week. I hope that's how it will go anyhow. I like what I do for the most. It's enough to keep me busy and I help people without being overwhelmed with it. I imagine unless I get a shot at federal govt., that this will be my final stop in the career arena. We shall see. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm not sure why that is. I even drank chamomile tea before bed thinking that would help. I slept for about 4 hrs. My mind was racing and I felt edgy. It was like taking in too much caffeine. The only caffeine I had was 6 hrs prior to sleep, so I doubt that was it. I feel oddly rested today though. My boss and I will be working on my recommendation into the Masters Program for my job this week. If recommended, I can get my Masters in this field, have them pay for it and get a raise upon completion. Not too shabby....  Today God has given me peace in my heart and I'm glad. I've freaked out enough lately for about 10 people. I dread this daylight savings junk. It begins the day before I leave town to a place that is naturally an hour behind us due to the change in time zones anyhow. It will bite getting used to that. I do like the area I'm traveling to. It's right outside of Nashville. Lots to do and see and fairly easy to navigate. I got to spend time with my brother and my niece this weekend. She's 7 mo old and got 2 teeth. She says 'dada' and 'baba' and shakes her head no. She tries so hard to crawl. She can fly in a walker..but she goes backwards. My brother and I both did this as babies according to my mother. Bless her heart, if she's half as weird as we were, she doesn't stand a chance. I love her anyhow. My nephew is cool. He's 9 and he loves to read. He's reading on the eragon series. (I wasn't that motivated at his age) But he slacks on other stuff to avoid bringing homework home and that's become an issue. It's not constant, but he knows that priveledges will be revoked if he continues this. He already lost karate. That broke his heart. He said the hardest part was telling his instructor. So he says he's trying to do better. I tell ya, I'm glad I'm an old adult. I wouldn't want to go through childhood today for love nor money. It was much simpler when I was growing up. But I digress.... I want to get back into my photography, but weather hasn't been the most permissive and I've not been as motivated as I could be. But I'm working on it. Well, that's about all I have on the life and times of me. Not much to tell, huh? I appreciate you listening to my ramblings and do come back. Have a good one and take care!

Love,

Me

I find myself in a mild funk. Things with my husband are much better after talking. It was strange. I was calm the entire time and I told him I was tired of things as they had been. He's the one that got emotional and worried this time (a definite first). Things are much better and I reminded him to talk to me when something was on his mind. So far, so good.

My new funk is my frustration with my weight. I'm working on it and yes, it's coming off...veeeerrrrry slowly. I fear it never will come off. Sounds stupid and with my other posts not being of sunshine and what not, I imagine I may even sound a bit neurotic. It just seems like the words flow much easier when I'm trying to get this stuff out of my system.

I've found obesity most of my adult life. I've been thin...too thin really. But now, I am way too heavy. I know what I have to do about it, but I still have that looming fear that it won't ever go away entirely. I just want my outside to match my inside. I feel confident in my abilities at work, being a good friend, my compassion for people and my intelligence. I just don't have anything when it comes to my image. I have always been that way. But I think it's affecting me in the sense that I don't take chances as much because I don't want people seeing me.

That may sound silly, but it's how I feel. It's something I have looming over me daily. I know what can be done, it's just figuring out which choice is best due to a)I have type 2 diabetes and b)finding something that I can stick with and will produce results. Perhaps God will whack me upside the head with a perverbial 2x4 and say, "Hey, this is what you need to do." God knows I'm a bit dense and he has to draw me a picture sometimes, but he does get through.

I dunno man....it just sucks the life outta me some days. But what do ya do? Just keep going I guess... that's all I know how to do. Again, thanks for the opportunity to vent and rant. It does help. Perhaps I'll have a happy post soon; not so much 'gloom and doom'. We shall be optimistic about that. Until then, I bid you adieu.

Me

Well I came home only to have my husband argue with me over something stupid (he got mad because I wanted to use the computer). He left and was gone for several hours. He came back. He slept on the couch and he's still not speaking to me today. This arguement started about 14 hrs ago. I was guilty of telling my best friend what happened because it hurt me. He heard that and he's been like this ever since. I tried to apologize and he said some profanities and left. He's hellbent on punishing me and I'm so sick of it. I'm really physically sick from it. I can't carry on with all of these bad feelings in me, but 2 of the people I trust the most I can't go to. I don't have anyone else. I only have writing this down and my best friend. She finds out today if she gets to keep her job. She's contract staff for a govt. agency. If they lose the contract, she's out of a job. So I can't lay this on her. I can't talk to my husband. He made that obvious. My Mother and I are having some issues right now with her bad mouthing my dead father, so she's out. I may have to seek professional help if this doesn't let up soon. I can't sleep, I can't eat and I feel all jittery inside. Oh yeah, I feel like I could puke also. I just want reprieve. As I write, I get on my own nerves. I can't imagine what I'm doing to any readers out there. I like to be an upbeat person and have good things to share, but life's not worked that way for the last little bit. I'm just hoping somehow God will intervene because I'm spent. Well, I've gotta get ready for work now. If I can just get through the day I'll be all right hopefully. I can put on my game face and do my best. Here's to hoping. Thanks for listening.

Take Care,

Me :(

I find myself this morning pissed off. The reasons aren't clear yet, but a few possibilities come to mind. I'm not feeling tolerant today of people's behavior, their excuses, their attitudes, their shit.....I usually am a very tactful, respectful person.In the past, I've always had the tendency to just let things go, but I think I may have reached my tolerance level.Today is one of those days where if my buttons were pressed, I'd be tempted to say what's on my mind and it wouldn't be pretty.I've dealt with this kind of thing from everyone including my husband, my collegues, my clients and even some of my friends. I must have "doormat" or "sucker" on my forehead. I just wish people would quit treating me like I'm so foolish I won't figure out that that fake kindness with the condescending tone is them trying feebly to be a smartass. I imagine it will happen soon. I'll lay into someone. Who knows? Perhaps it will help me rid myself of this feeling of pissed-offedness. But part of me would love nothing more that to get "up close and personal" with those that have pissed me off. Maybe I am changing. Maybe the nice girl is running from the building as I speak. I can appreciate someone who is genuine and puts forth effort in this life. But I can't stand someone who thinks it's my obligation to take heat for their failure to be a grown-up. Now bull shit! Maybe I'm the one with problems...I dunno. But I know I'm outta time and will have to continue this later. Anyhoo, thankx for listening!