9:08 PM - Been A Long Time
As usual, about the time I feel semi-comfortable and confident in my life I find someone to kick the wind out of me and remind me of how little I am. I'd asked to be relocated closer to home nearly a year ago. Not once, not twice, but 3 times it appears I'll be passed over w/in my own department. One post was going to be given to a friend of mine until they lost enough work at their office that the post was froze. The next one I check on once again the supervisor isn't even honest with me and it goes to another friend of mine. The third time one I'd checked on a month ago is being waved in front of another friend of mine. I am beside myself with anger knowing that this has happened again. I'm back in "i'm worthless" mode. I have no faith in anything that I had started to any more. I don't see any purpose in anything I do there. I'm like the town joke. I'm tired of being backbit, manipulated and just made fun of. I have so much anger right now it's ridiculous. Yes, it's just a job. But it's the one obstacle that's given me grief in the last year and a half. I was hoping to have it under control, but then I have to deal with someone eavesdropping that I don't trust in the first place and they had the audacity to want to talk to me about it. Oh but hell no! I'm nearly to the point of just not giving a damn about what I do there and acting like an ass like the majority of the rest of them do. Something has to give....I can't keep this charade up.
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