Rantings and Ramblings of a Southern Girl

Well, I think I've decided once and for all to withdraw from the friendship in question. I think she's wanted it for some time. So, I'll respect that. It kind of hurts me as when she finally did want to spend time with me she invited someone else along for what I suspect was so that she wouldn't have to deal with me. I became to her what she resented and she couldn't be honest about it.

I've thought about that a lot. If she can't be honest with me with that, what else has she been dishonest with me about. I'll miss her company, but I realize now that it's not good for either one of us. So, even though I wished I'd had the opportunity to try to improve things, I'm walking away. I've let this eat at me far too long.

I know I take part of the responsibility of losing what is now 2 friendships. I own up to that. But, that doesn't mean I'm incapable of being a good friend. I need to make new friends. Find new interests. Move on. I know myself I have a LOT to work on. I'm trying. It will take a long time. But you know, we're all flawed and that is all right.

I think I've just reached a point where I see I've been way too accepting of things that I never should have agreed to in the first place. I know what they are and I know what I need to do about it. I have plenty to be glad about. I know this. I just need to find that balance between here and getting there.

I will though. This whole mulling over it thing really has sucked the life out of me. I can't let that happen. I mean, we don't get over things overnight but we have to at least try. That is what is important. Moving forward and making the most of the life you have. I'll take it one moment, one step, one day at a time. That's all any of us can do.

Well, I'm glad the weekend is finally here. I've got some housework and things to do, but I feel a lot better. I prayed to God a few times yesterday just asking for help to help myself and do a better job helping others. I felt engulfed by all that I had faced this week. But that is behind me now. Today is another day.