10:54 AM - I Just Don't Know
I'm feeling discouragement creep back in. I got turned down by another employer. I don't want to work in this office any more- period! I can't ignore the discrepancies of what people in authority tell me and the fact I can't trust my own boss. It's also been financially hard on us as I'm spending $320/mo in gas.
Hindsight I wish I'd researched this option better. I wouldn't have transferred here. I'd have gone somewhere else. But I acted out of ignorance and desperation. So, I guess I deserve what I get. I've enjoyed the clients for the most. I've seen some success. But I just want out of here so bad. I've cried and prayed about it until I myself am just about sick of it.
I'm going to try to revamp my resume and see if that makes a difference. I know I have abilities and talents. I just don't know where else I can use them. It's been really frustrating. I don't know what I'm going to do for sure. But that's just the beginning.
I ended a 20 yr friendship or let's just say her actions ended it for me. I realize the lack of maturity and toxicity of the relationship now and realize it wasn't healthy. But I feel like I failed because I invested 20 yrs into it. Another friend turned on me in favor of the one I lost and a third one I just really question all together. I question myself as well...
I've never had trouble making and keeping friends in the past and I hope that I've not become difficult to the point of not being able to keep friends. But I do still have good friends left, so I tend to not think that would be it. However I do see similiarities in personalities of the 3 people in question. All people change...I just wish I could pinpoint if it's something I need to do or not.
I own up to part of the responsibility but am a firm believer that it takes 2 to tango. I have connected with a new friend and one that had moved away and is now back home. So that's encouraging. Sometimes I think you outgrow each other. Interests change, directions of life, and you just can't help what happens. It's just hard to say. But as if you couldn't tell, it weighs on my mind.
There's been a recent death in my family. I'm trying to wrap my mind around that as well. Still have some trust issues with work and just hate being here in general. I know, I'm just an emotional mess today. I just feel like I've been running a marathon and I've hit an eternally tall brick wall. Not sure what to do about it either....makes me kind of sad.
Well Ce Sera, Sera...Whatever will be, will be. I definitely will be leaving this one up to the Lord. Here's to hoping for a brighter day.
Me