12:43 PM - Want Off The Merry-go-Round
I wish I could get past the depression and frustration I feel. I can not. I've exhausted every option I have to purge myself of it and it fades, but doesn't dissipate entirely. I feel worthless, hopeless and just plain ignorant. I don't wish to talk to anyone further about this as I feel as if I've put them out. I just want to feel good about my abilities and self again. I'm alive for some reason...what, I could not tell you. That part's not up to me. I just know I long for a simpler, happier life. I'm overwhelmed in almost every aspect of my life. If I knew I wouldn't hurt my nephew's feelings, I wouldn't go to his party Saturday. I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out. I'm starting on my antidepressants again in hopes of change... but between my Mom's health, Mark, ending friendships, lots of change w/in the job (and a lot of it not good), finances and just lack of sanity- I feel defeated. That's the only way I know how to put it. This journal is my last opportunity to at least feel like I can express my feelings freely.
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