9:08 AM - Going Home
I am completing the final day of my final week in training for a while. I'd been going about every 3 wks since the early part of Feb. I'm thankful. Upon my return I'll have about 6 days to interview 10 people for reviews, 4 for intake and move my office to another city for reasons at first I didn't question. I want to have complete faith in my supervision and she has proven herself in many ways, but I've been burnt by previous supervision in this job and I'm virtually paranoid about it. I'll be driving about 23 more miles, but I'll be with people I like. See, originally I was told they needed my original office for someone in trouble and wondered if I'd be willing to move. We all know that if they ask and you say no, you still run the risk of having to go anyway... so I said yes because I thought it would help them and everyone involved. Well the story has changed a little since I've agreed to do this. Originally I was assured that my altercation with some people who thought speading rumors that I could've gotten fired for would be fun was not the reason for the move. I've just had this gnawing feeling ever since. My support office is not even in that office. It's in another office in the city I'm currently in. So, knowing who is going to replace me where I am now. I feel like the person who created the most trouble for me is almost getting rewarded because it appears she won't have have to be support for anyone now. Which makes me think that the move resulted in me being the trouble maker for even saying anything. Now, my take on this may be all wrong, but I don't have all the 'pieces of the puzzle' either... so who knows what will really happen. I've been incredibly eaten up with anxiety and depression since all of this. I'm on prescribed meds and it does help, but I think once the move goes down and I know the whole story, I'll be able to 'breathe again'. I find at times with the anxiety and depression I get on my own nerves so I don't talk to many people about it. My dr. knows. I have trouble concentrating now. It's just strange. But the oddest thing is despite all this bs, I love my work. I love to see people become successful. I've prayed a lot about this. I just hope that things smooth out soon so that I can feel sane again. I can see the possibility of this heading toward paranoia on my part, but I keep telling myself that this too shall pass and that has been what's kept me going. So, I'll try to be optimistic. I've made some good friends in training and I will miss them since they all live closer to here than I. I have the farthest drive at 326 miles one way. So....I digress. I just needed to vent a little so that I can gear up to go home. ahh...home. The mere sound of it is wonderful. Thank you for listening! Come back soon...