9:10 AM - Today I Cracked
I'm sitting here in my office with a ton of things to do and no direction as to what to do first. I'm feeling overwhelmed because a)in the back of my mind I know that as soon as I catch up, I will have to take another trip to Nashville for training and get behind again b)I'm angry because someone I work with thinks I'm stupid (or that's how they prefer to treat me) and c)I can't concentrate to save my life today. I wish I could regroup and just dive in and do it.... I can't bring myself to it. I could understand if this had been after my first trip, but this is after my 4th. I can't stop crying. I'm tired of people thinking they can treat me however they wish and me just be satisfied with it. I'm tired of my husband being so damn lazy. We both work and he does little to nothing to help me with the house. I have to coax him to do much of anything with me outside of getting a meal. I'm honestly thinking he's lost interest in me as a person. I just feel so bombarded. I've locked myself in my office because I don't really want to deal with the outside world right now. I've asked to talk to my boss to see if she could help me figure out how to handle this better. She wants to see me this afternoon. I feel good about it and scared about it at the same time. The last time I told my boss how I felt, it came back to haunt me in a bad way. It resulted in me getting a bad evaluation and her talking about me leaving. That was with my previous boss and she has since been moved for her actions. I now have a different boss and I'm hopeful, but a tiny part is still scared from what happened before. I don't know. My mind is racing and I just can't focus. I'm going to the dr. monday. I have to get new bloodwork every 3 mo due to diabetes and I'm going to see if I can go back on wellbutrin to stabilize my mood somewhat. We'll see what happens. I do feel better getting this all out. Perhaps if I can just see the end of the day, I'll be okay. Here's to hoping. Thanks for listening.
Love,
Me